Vol. XXXXIV

Dear Manager,

For many individuals, be they managers, staff members or our sales associates, there is a single motivator that runs through their minds on a regular basis. This motivator is very negative and counter productive by nature, yet some try to use it to gain positive results. For most, it brings occasional anxiety and sleepless nights. In extreme cases, it can cause
depression and even suicide. How could something so negative and potentially devastating be passed on from one generation to the next? What could possibly make such an impact on so many?

It is the fear of failure. It wreaks havoc on our outlook, personality and attitude. How can we reverse this destructive source of anxiety? The only way to slay the dragon is straight through the heart.

Yes, we grew up learning through our parents’ encouragement, and in full view of their own anxieties, that failure is one of the greatest fears known to man. A vision of THE POOR HOUSE on the hill, or life on the streets, can’t help but come to mind. Examples were often given of those individuals who unfortunately had not measured up in life. Positive reinforcement such as “being the best you can be,” was often synonymous with the mixed signal “you certainly wouldn’t want to be a disappointment!!” I remember the perceived pressures when I left college to live up to the expectation of “making something of myself.” Failure simply was not acceptable.

WHAT A BUNCH OF BALONEY!

I spent the next fifteen years believing I would be a disappointment if I failed. While my business grew slowly at first, it gained momentum as the years passed. I began taking success for granted. Everything I touched seemed to have a positive outcome. The worst aspect came when I began to believe in the praises and platitudes of others. I believed I had a golden touch. Without question, Keenan needed to fail … and he did!

I had started a second business that seemed to have the potential to be very lucrative. I invested heavily (how could it fail?), asked for very little assistance (I certainly didn’t need it) and went on my merry way.

Within two years, I was tapped. I had to make payroll off of credit card advances. 1985 was a very, very long and difficult year. This time in my life was very significant. The lessons learned, while expensive, were the best real life education I had ever had. I learned a healthy respect for failure. There was no question that my business skills would need to improve. I continue to challenge these skills daily.

I am convinced that humans need to fail – to crash and burn – at least once in their life. Until our limits are tested in the good and difficult times, we will never realize our full potential. How can anyone fully comprehend success without having tasted the agony of defeat?! It takes great courage to fail!

I have always believed that we, as managers, are doing a great disservice to our staff by providing an environment with little opportunity for challenge and growth. In doing so, we are sending them the message that they’d better not fail. We must create an environment for success with a full understanding that failure is part of the process. Success and failure are often just inches apart. What greater reward for a manager than to assist others in bouncing back from difficult times?

We have all read of the countless failures endured by the great inventors and industrial giants of years gone by. The ultimate test is not the fact that they had initially failed. It is their resiliency, tenacity and personal resolve to pick themselves up and make as many attempts as required for success. We will never read inspiring stories about individuals who “almost got it right.”

How many of life’s lessons can be learned through success? Child stars and young professional athletes often have the world by the tail. Very few truly understand themselves and their true impact on humanity, let alone their future. I can’t find any courage in this equation. With maturity and good fortune, they will survive some tough times. If not, I hope they have a strong parent or friend who will give them a verbal smack “upside the head.” It is their only hope.

We only learn the most valuable skills through failure. There is no why in success, there is only why in failure. There are very few lessons in success, only in failure. Failure is a very personal moment. It demands that we analyze our circumstances, scramble to pick up the pieces, and develop the patience to deal with our difficult circumstances. It demands the best of us.

So, why have generations continued to agonize over the fear of failure? I believe there are two reasons. First, failure is plain old embarrassing. It takes strength to admit that you’ve made a mistake. Everyone will know! I will state this again, for it is absolutely the truth. In creating an environment in which having failed makes one a failure, we will ultimately surround ourselves with the lowest common denominator and stunt the growth of our companies.

Unlikely as it may seem, I believe the second factor contributing to the anxiety of failure can be a very clear and obvious fear of success! Some individuals may not feel worthy, and mediocrity is a safe harbor! The responsibilities that accompany success can seem too great a price to pay. A person may be uncomfortable with the notoriety, the attention, and of subsequent future failure. Yes, there is also courage in success.

It is time for all of us to banish the anxieties related to failure and success. Emotions related to these anxieties are old news and a personal choice.

TAKE PRIDE IN YOUR FAILURE

With any luck at all, we will each experience times of failure in our lives. The first experience is the most difficult. Confidence and satisfaction are developed through overcoming adversity. Subsequent challenges will be approached with an increased sense of power. An “I survived once, I can certainly do it again!” attitude will prevail.

Fear is the very worst of all motivators. Acceptance of the inevitable roadblocks in our careers, along with a measure of confidence, will assist us at every turn. Our long term health and sense of fulfillment is incumbent upon our ability to survive a periodic stubbed toe.

As effective managers, we must be able to address and accept failure in ourselves and in all of those around us. I’d hire a qualified individual who had experienced and overcome failure, in every instance, over the individual who had not! Ownership of our own failures allows us to build upon the past, and understand the failure of others. It is our lot “of” life.

Personal Regards,

Keenan

INTERPERSONAL© is published by INTERPERSONALBIZ.COM, Keenan Longcor, Editor, ©2009. Duplication of this publication is permitted for both personal and business use. Excerpts may only be quoted with acknowledgment of INTERPERSONAL/INTERPERSONALBIZ.ORG as the source. For re-publication rights, please contact the editor at KEENAN@INTERPERSONALBIZ.COM