VOL. XXVIII

Dear Manager,

If not an art, there is certainly a skill required for all managers and salespeople within the process of negotiations. This is one of the primary skills needed to be highly effective in any profession. We began learning this skill early on, long before we spoke our first words. To get what we wanted, we pointed our finger, pleaded with our eyes and, if it served our purpose, we cried. If you think about it, has our approach changed much over the years?!

We have since learned to negotiate with our minds and through verbal communication. We all like to think our approach to negotiations is fair and should be accepted by those around us. “Why can’t others understand my position on this issue?” I believe this is a consistent theme for most managers in conversations with their associates. Just for fun, let’s add some very strong emotions, opinions and egos to the equation. What was a relatively simple issue has now taken on a life of its own.

LEARN TO CHOOSE YOUR ISSUES

I know individuals who seem to turn all levels of negotiations into a battle. Determine the priority of the current topic and its worth in risking future consideration. Most negotiations are simple in nature and can avoid confrontation entirely. Similar to crying wolf, all parties become skeptical of an individual who is consistently emphasizing their position on what they believe to be equitable. If the only acceptable conclusion as you approach a negotiation is your own, is your objective to be fair or to win at all costs? Of greater importance is how your approach to the current topic will impact future negotiations. If productive, long-term relationships are your objective . . .

BEGIN WITH A SOLID APPROACH

If two parties are sincerely interested in the development and proper maintenance of their business relationship they will each establish a high degree of sensitivity to their individual approach. Set aside your desire to be right and, at all costs, avoid pointing out who might be wrong. An approach such as this will only be interpreted as self-serving and will further compromise a sense of mutual benefit.

SEVEN STEPS IN PREPARING FOR PRODUCTIVE NEGOTIATIONS

1. Share the foundation for your perspective. Prepare your thoughts in advance as to why you believe in your position. Give the proper background of the equation to insure the discussion is on a common plane. Do not assume that your sense of priority for this issue is shared by others.

2. Show consideration for another perspective. Accept that no one can fully understand your perspective or sense of urgency. Neither can we fully understand the pressures, demands and dynamics of our counterpart. Acknowledge the value of the other position.

3. Be willing to accept responsibility. There are aspects in any circumstance that, in retrospect, we could have handled better. Don’t be unwilling to admit it! Rather than weakness, this only exhibits your strength while enhancing your objectivity to the issue at hand.

4. Learn from prior negotiations. Perspectives can best be understood through experience. Begin to anticipate what others’ initial objections might entail. There is nothing more effective than diffusing potential objections up front!

5. Never corner the tiger. At all costs, never force a decision at a time of high emotion. When pride and emotions take over, bail out. Allow for cooler heads and the ability for all parties to save face on another day.

6. It is human nature to prefer to be asked rather than being told. This is the most critical aspect in obtaining your objective. Granted, by asking you accept the risk of a negative response; it is worth it. People enjoy helping people, and it is natural to want to be a part of a positive conclusion. Provide the opportunity.

Do not underestimate the value of making a list of your topics or concerns on paper. Outlining your thoughts prior to any negotiation allows you to give focus to the discussion and lessens the opportunity for the conversation to change tracks. As you prepare your words and approach, do not overlook an equally important aspect of negotiating. While verbal communication is effective, body language, and learning how to read it, can also play a major role in the outcome of your negotiations.

“LISTENING” TO NON-VERBAL COMMUNICATION

As I referenced, we began developing our negotiating skills before we could speak. At that time, a motion of the hand, facial expression or a well-place tear could work wonders! If you know what to look for as your discussions progress, you can develop a direct line to your counterpart’s honest feelings.

In face-to-face negotiations, watch the eyes, gestures and expressions. Are they relaxed, perhaps leaning slightly forward, indicating they are involved in the discussion, or are they leaning back, arms crossed, seemingly detached from the conversation?

At some level, most people will tip their hand regarding their level of comfort in your discussion. They will rarely share these honest feelings verbally, but with proper awareness you will absolutely know when you have touched a nerve. Restating your previous thought with a more acceptable twist will confirm your suspicions. Absolutely listen to their response. You may actually catch yourself forgetting what is being said simply because you have more confidence in the signals you are receiving from their demeanor. Reading body language is the closest thing to reading someone’s mind, and by developing the proper skills I firmly believe that, in most cases, you can.

While it’s a bit more difficult, you can develop this skill and become very effective with it on the phone as well. Begin your conversations with small talk to develop a sense of their current mood. If they have just completed a difficult or unpleasant conversation, or the day has challenged them, you will want to know. In this instance, have a back-up conversation in mind and delay more challenging topics. Listen for a “smile in their voice”, as this is your best time to proceed. Draw out their concerns with simple and direct questions. An unexpected pause in their voice or change in inflection (let alone tone), will signal the need to review your approach.

Once someone has stated their position, it becomes very difficult to reverse. Patience and effective timing are your best allies. Be sure to give thought to the optimum time of the week for dealing with delicate discussions. For example, I would never approach someone on a Monday morning when, for most of us, our only objective is to get back on track. Think of the high and low points in your own week. When will you be at your best, and when would you guess the best time for others to be? As a general rule, avoid Monday mornings and Friday afternoons all together!

ARE YOU PREPARED TO COMPROMISE?
THE SEVENTH STEP

Let’s be honest. We all enter into the negotiating process hoping to “get what we want;” if we didn’t care, we wouldn’t negotiate! While most individuals desire to be perceived as fair, fairness as an objective cannot be negotiated until both parties have agreed to a similar point of view. How often have you struggled to get across what seemed to you to be a very obvious point in your negotiations? There is validation for all of us in being correct. I also believe there is entirely too much emphasis and personal pride in being right and pointing out who is wrong. What is the value of being “right” if the resolution of the initial objective collapses and critical relationships are compromised? We can all learn to become more effective and aware in our approach with others. The most successful negotiators, the ones who truly win, are those who realize that the victory lies in the satisfaction of all parties.

Personal Regards,

Keenan

INTERPERSONAL© is published by INTERPERSONALBIZ.COM, Keenan Longcor, Editor, ©2008. Duplication of this publication is permitted for both personal and business use. Excerpts may only be quoted with acknowledgment of INTERPERSONAL/INTERPERSONALBIZ.ORG as the source. For re-publication rights, please contact the editor at KEENAN@INTERPERSONALBIZ.COM